Tag Archives: Santa Maria Novella

My Mother Drives Me Crazy!

Let’s face it, not all moms are created equal. Whether your mom reminds you more of Mrs. Bates, Madea or Mother Theresa, they all all come in different shapes, creeds and characters. From Tan Mom or Microwave Mom to Octomom, they all share the same unique ability to drive us crazy. Yet even if your mother was Joan Crawford you’d still love your matriarch (ok, perhaps not the best example).

In anticipation of celebrating our special moms this weekend, we’ve compiled some of our favorite mom archetypes.

Happy Mother’s Day – you are all indeed loved very much by all.

The Saint

Spiritual Candle by Apothia, Anima Dulcis by Arquiste, Santa Maria Novella Rose Water, Kenneth Jay Lane Gold and Crystal Cross Necklace, The Boudoir Bible by Benony Vernon

Spiritual Candle by Apothia, Anima Dulcis by Arquiste, Santa Maria Novella Rose Water, Kenneth Jay Lane Gold and Crystal Cross Necklace, The Boudoir Bible by Benony Vernon

The Perfect Mother

Kenneth Jay Lane Enameled Floral Collection, Lamy Fountain Pens, I love New York for Her by Bond No. 9, Happy Times by Lee Radziwill, Yosi Samra Ballet Flats

Kenneth Jay Lane Enameled Floral Collection, Lamy Fountain Pens, I love New York for Her by Bond No. 9, Yosi Samra Ballet Flats, Happy Times by Lee Radziwill

The Mrs. Focker Mom

Hindu Grass by Nasomatto, Missoni Headband, Serpui Marie Woven Clutch, Susan Hannover Bracelets, Lisa Battaglia Hat

Hindu Grass by Nasomatto, Missoni Headbands, Serpui Marie Woven Clutch, Susan Hannover Bracelets, Lisa Battaglia Hat

Mommie Dearest 

Cruel Intentions by Kilian, Clara Kasavina Mink Clutch, Assholes: A Theory by aaron James, Marvis Licorice Toothpaste

Cruel Intentions by Kilian, Clara Kasavina Mink Clutch, Assholes: A Theory by aaron James, Marvis Licorice Toothpaste

The Cougar Mom

Monies Fossil Bone Bracelet, Cosabella Lingerie, Geste by Humiecki & Graef, Sex Games Book, RMS Beauty Raw Coconut Oil Makeup Remover.

Monies Fossil Bone Bracelet, Cosabella Lingerie, Geste by Humiecki & Graef, Sex Games Book, RMS Beauty Raw Coconut Oil Makeup Remover.

A MIDSUMMER FANTASY

When your last house-guest has gone, and the laundry has been washed and folded — lock the door. Turn off the phone and sign out of Facebook. Turn up the A/C and turn out the lights. Let your friends think you fled for the south of France, then run a bath — a nice, cool bath with tiny drops of gardenia-scented Monoi Tiare Tahiti Oil to make your skin moist like Brando’s Tarita in Mutiny on the Bounty. Oh, did I forget to mention placing a chilled bottle of Red Stripe on ice within arm’s reach? And, lighting a Malin + Goetz Cannabis candle? Now you’re ready to soak. But, nuh-uh, no getting up for a second beer. One must not drink and dunk. Remember Whitney.

Alone at last. Wash your troubles away with Santa Maria Novella Shower Foam. Almost like being in Firenze. Inhale that wonderful smell! Drain tub then rinse off in shower. Now shampoo hair thoroughly with detergent-free, aromatherapeutic Rahua Shampoo then air dry in the buff on your veranda wearing nothing but Pura Vida‘s sexy anklets. Woo-hoo! I’m home!

Ever yoga naked? No, not at David Barton. Well, now’s the time. Who’s to know? Slide in a Yoga DVD and slip your mat out of its luxury home — Eric Javits’ fabric-lined, navy-striped Om Yoga Mat bag made of Squishee® material with calf leather trim — the envy of all your yoga-mates. Namaste. Now centered and refreshed, pretend you’re barefoot in East Africa and pad around the house in a colorful, soft Laini Kikoy sarong made in Kenya by Kasuku Kikoy. Now clear the couch. Pick up a good book — Kristen Schaal’s Sexy Book of Sexy Sex.

But, hark! Who’s knocking on my front door? Could it be the British hunk who moved in across the way? Peek-a-boo peephole says yeah. There is a god!

“Coming!” I shout as I roll on Alvarez Gomez Agua de Colonia deodorant and double-check the expiration date on my home supply of Sir Richard’s Pleasure Dots condoms.

Surfers Photography: ©Cyn. Zarco 2012

Make Mom Proud!

   Mother’s Day comes but once a year, the poor dears. Carrying baby in her belly for nine months was tough enough, not to mention all the meals she had to make, all the frills she had to forsake, all the carpooling, the pooh-poohing, the soccer games, the ballet and piano lessons, the hair-pulling, the boyfriends, the girlfriends, your messy room. Then one day you left home. Now that you’re on your own, don’t forget who taught you how to make bread pudding from heels of bread, who showed you how to iron a button-down shirt, who said I-told-you-so when you got married the first time. Ah, yes, Mamma mia! What have you done for her lately? Suggestions?

For starters, breakfast in bed served on a Fornasetti tray: An Aranciata Mimosa in a beautifully etched Salviati crystal champagne flute. One yellow rose lying next to a frothy cappuccino in a Paul Smith graphic coffee mug. Soon as she picks it up she’ll see what’s underneath — an I-Love-You coasterby Ruff House. Awwww. Instead of the Sunday New York Times, get Mom a year’s online subscription on her brand new Apple iPad 2. Splurge with Paul Smith’s vintage-striped leather cover that doubles as a stand. Special! Tuck these into her napkin — festive Kenneth Jay Lane beaded earrings for day, Philippe Audiber‘s gold cuff, Yvone Crista gold danglies for night.

Why not surprise Mom with a new gift every hour? Say you wouldn’t be who you are today if it wasn’t for her. (You can lie a little.) Now start pampering. Tell her you prepared her bath. A plush Missoni bathrobe and flower-powered towel await her. Light the room with Malin+Goetz new Absolute Rose candle. Apres tubber, give her lovely Santa Maria Novella body milk to slather all over. That pink, star-shaped bottle of Bond No. 9’s Madison Avenue looks absolutely Shiaparelli on her toilette next to its sister jar of Bond’s Rose Body Cream. See the grass-green Deco-Moderne rose-blossom centerpiece wound around the perfume cap? Presto — wrap its double rows of beads on your wrist, and it’s a bracelet. Detach the rose and wear it as a brooch. Double-duty spritz glam, thank you, ma’am.

Then take Mom and Dad to lunch! Drape this hot pink Lanno leather necklace around her neck. Stunning! Weighs nothing. Then slide this gorgeous Serpui Marie clutch under her arm. Guaranteed to instill purse envy across a crowded room. When the check comes, smile and sign it with this elegant white Faber Castel pen, then pop it into her purse. She’ll thank you later.

At cocktail hour back home, help Mom put her feet up, then slip these comfy Yosi Samra rose-gold portable ballerina flats on her tired toesies. One martini later, light Mom’s cigarette with a hot Babalu pink DuPont lighter — it’s small and chic — petite and sweet, just like Mom on a good day.

Hey, you’re not excused yet. It’s payback time all day. What’s left in your bag of tricks? Light a candle, not just any candle — Malin + Goetz’s relaxation special — the Cannabis candle, a contrast of fresh citrus with wood-oakmoss, enhanced with sweet patchouli. Don’t worry. It’s legal, be it addictive, and, well, an aphrodisiac. It’s the perfect accompaniment to M+G’s Detox Face Mask Treatment. Apply. Close eyes. Breathe.

G’night, Mom. G’night, Dad.

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